Are you the same person with every customer?
Unleashing your inner chameleon will allow you work with almost anyone, connect better to each person, and to be more effective, faster.
I was not the same with every customer. Are you? I’d like to suggest that if you want to be more effective, more quickly, you should unleash your inner chameleon.
Hannah, my extraordinary Business Development Partner, was desperately trying not to laugh at me, and she was failing. She had slammed on the mute button, but I could still see her over our video conference struggling mightily to contain her mirth — mouth in a tight line, cheeks tensed to keep from bursting out in a grin. Eventually, she had to put her head down and pretended to take notes. Hannah was my internal partner to help me to develop new accounts. She worked to identify suspects and convert those into meetings that would, hopefully, lead to opportunities and sales. After developing and working a big list of people who might be interested in meeting, Hannah had arranged an amazing series of meetings with prospective customers all from the Deep South.
I am a Damned Yankee, raised in Ohio and based for the past quarter century in Silicon Valley. But I have served customers all over the country and also from many different parts of the world. My wife is from Missouri (or “Miss soar uh,” as the locals say) and has the loveliest little Missouri southern twang. And I have spent years serving customers from the South. As a result, why, yes, I do speak some Southern, thank you so very much. And on this call with Hannah and our prospect, I was doing so. Watching me transform my word language and manner of communication was nearly more that Hannah could take.
What, exactly did I do that was so amusing? I
Started with a generous amount of polite, pleasant small talk. (anathema in Silicon Valley — discarded there as a waste of time)
Slowed down my usual flow and pronunciation of words - taking the edge and chatter off my usual brisk pace.
Taking the vowels a bit more in the throat and less in the nose (Think “ah” instead of a more nasal “a”)
Gently reviewed our plans for the meeting (no hard core machine gun speed agenda recital here) and then I asked if that still sounded just fine. (It was, thank you, they said.)
Throughout, was relaxed and unfailingly polite. “How y’all doing today?” (pronouncing y’all correctly) Pleases and thank yous abounded.
Addressed everyone by Mr, Ms, or Dr. (unlike the fast talking first-name-for-everyone informal tech bro-speak of Silicon Valley, where I lived and worked.)
Conducted a very polite, enjoyable almost leisurely call in which they felt acknowledged and respected.
Thanked them each time for sharing their points of view.
After talking, I then patiently waited through silence for them to think of and ask their questions. No hurry at all. Throughout, I consciously let my words flow slower. At the end of our call, I confirmed their permission to do their requested follow up, (“Say, might it be possible to…?”) thanked them, kindly, asked them how we’d done for them today, (“So very well, thank you.”) and wished them a all a very pleasant day.
In short, I spoke with and treated that group in the manner and with the respect that they value in a communication style that was effective for them. I met them where they were. I gave them an interaction that they loved and felt comfortable with.
So, no — I am not the same with every person I interact with. Were I speaking to people from other places in the US, like New York, Chicago, or Minneapolis, I would have also selected appropriate ways of speaking to them.
May I recommend that you consider doing this too? Adapting to the speech of others is called “The Chameleon Effect”. It has been well explored. (Here is one interesting article.) You no doubt have been using a physical form of fitting in with your clients — and perhaps you were even instructed in it — in the past. You know, all that training you received on body language? Mimicking others’ positions and adopting complimentary positions? The client leans forward intently, you do so as well. That’s a physical equivalent of being a Chameleon.
Of course, I’m not alone in doing this. Comedian Trevor Noah, who grew up in South Africa, where he speaks all of the 11 official native languages and smoothly fits into its multiple cultures describes it well when he says
“When you live in a country that is divided and you are the one that speaks multiple languages, you possess something that not many people have.”
I began using this vocal Chameleon effect quite by accident and completely subconsciously, years ago. Then when I realized what I was doing and that it was effective, I switched to becoming a “conscious chameleon.”
Many years ago, early in my career, my then-small children heard me speaking with a customer who was using broken English. This person had come to the US from another country and was trying to explore purchasing my product. In this call, while still speaking in a normal tone of voice, I had subconsciously matched him. I slowed down my speech and used lots of space between words, I also stopped using slang, contractions, and colloquial phrases. It was a great call and we had no trouble communicating. When I finished the call, my son, in the open honest manner of every small child, said “Daddy, why were you talking funny?” At first, I didn’t realize what I’d done, saying “I wasn’t - I was just talking with the customer.” Later, after thinking about it, I realized that I’d mirrored the client’s speech pattern and adapted to their manner of speech. After more thought, I decided I’d add being an intentional verbal chameleon to my repertoire.
And if you don’t already do this, I’d like to again suggest that you should be a chameleon, too. There are three reasons you should mimic your customers’ communication style and meet them where they are.
You demonstrate affinity, an understanding of their values, and fit in quickly
The customer feels respected and valued
You are more effective — you are working within their style instead of them in yours. They will understand you faster.
The idea of being a chameleon can be a bit controversial. I did discuss that I do this — only a very few times with colleagues. Most of the time, I heard three primary objections:
Many people misconstrue being a chameleon with being inauthentic
Others say that shifting their own behavior to accommodate others somehow communicates that they are not good enough or inferior.
Finally, others say “That’s just too much trouble. It takes too much time!”
“Phony!”
Often, people would say “Using language and communication that aren’t my natural ones will make me seem inauthentic!” Ironically, I would often hear this from salespeople who were normally crude, swearing beasts, who transformed into polite, calm professionals on a client call. Just as you adopt “professional” language, I want you to be a chameleon. The more you are tuned into the way a customer talks and speaks — and the more you reasonably mimic it — the more successful you’ll be.
Now, I’m not suggesting that you slather on a huge fake accent and go all crazy sounding like Borat or anything. I’m just asking you to thoughtfully select what phrases, words, ways of speaking (faster, slower, simpler, more complex) fit your customer. Then use those. Just as if you knew a bit of Spanish and visited Mexico City. You’d cheerfully ask where the bathroom was, or correctly pronounce words and names. It’s effective, polite, and shows respect. And, of course, the more you visited Mexico City, the better you’d get, right? You might even use local slang after a while! This isn’t you being a phony - this is you in Mexico.
“There’s nothing wrong with who I am!”
Timo was at it again. Another customer had called the boss to complain about Timo offending them with his views. Timo would routinely pepper his calls with controversial topics. Worse, he had an in-your-face method of speaking that would resonate with only a small fraction of his customers. He would subsequently spend a substantial amount of his call overcoming the understandable negative reaction of some of his prospects. Timo’s attitude was “This is who I am. Deal with it.” Eventually the boss got Timo to tone things down a bit. Try not to pick fights with conversation choices. But still, a lot of Timo’s calls were spent trying to bring people along who were put off by his in-your-face-this-is-who-I-am verbal style and approach.
Well, of course there is nothing wrong with Timo nor with you. You are quite lovely as you are. I’m sure of it. Yet, even though we both know that is true, you don’t inflict the full “real you” on everyone you meet, now, do you? You shave, get haircuts, take showers, and wear clothes that will allow you to fit in with your clients, don’t you? If you’re meeting with a banker, you don’t show up in a T-Shirt, now do you?
No, you adapt to present yourself effectively in all manner of ways. You dress so that your appearance is a non-issue, so you can focus on the topic at hand. I’m asking you to do the same with your manner of speech, as well. If the “real you” has a lovely southern drawl and you’re meeting with someone from Queens, New York, wouldn’t it be smart to think about how you’ll work with the pace of speech of the person that you’re going to encounter? Think a little about the brash directness, possibly bordering on conflict, you’re going to be exposed to and make sure you’re ready to engage it? Your goal in your calls is that while you’re talking with them they are thinking about what your product can do for them, not how the way you talk makes them crazy.
In fact, if you’ve thought about it and prepared for it, you’ll probably speak crisply, right from the start, be more on front, and you’ll be prepared to not be offended by what, to your home culture, would seem downright impolite.
So no, there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s also nothing wrong with making sure you’ll be effective with and inoffensive to the people you are engaging. The world shouldn’t have to adapt to you to be your customer, no matter how wonderful you are.
“Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
Some reps will say “Hey, I have to make 50 calls today. I don’t have time to adapt to someone else. I just have to get those calls done.” Hitting your number of calls but doing so not-so-effectively is a Key Performance Indicator (KPI) trap. In this KPI trap, you get so focused on doing the right quantity of all the darned things that Sales Operations is measuring that you forget that if you don’t do the right things really well you still won’t hit your quota, anyhow.
What if you could make one third fewer calls, because you were much more effective in building rapport, communicating quickly, effectively, and moving deals forward? Wouldn’t you want to do it? That’s what I’m talking about. I’m not advocating doing one third fewer calls, but I am suggesting you’ll become a lot better off taking some time to make sure every call goes as well as it can. Accomplish this using language and communication styles that fit your customer. That will speed everything in the relationship up significantly. Not just this call.
The whole relationship.
You’ve got plenty of time for that.
Finding Your Chameleon Elements
Try this and see if it doesn’t help. Here are the areas I’d like you to consciously think about and to match in your customer’s conversation.
How quickly are they speaking and how to they handle words?
Are they more formal or less formal?
How do their words sound?
How friendly versus competitive or combative?
Do you sense they are in a hurry or relaxed?
Do they use simple or complex words?
Are they transactional or relational? (“Let’s get this question answered” versus “Let’s get to know one another.”)
What local or regional colloquialisms are they using?
Now match some of these. In your own way.
When you tune into how your customers communicate and use some of those elements yourself, you’ll find you fit in better, they’ll feel comfortable and valued, and you’ll get things done a lot faster.
Y’all be willing to give that a try?