Not long ago, I turned 65. So it seemed to be a good time to share 65 Lessons - things I’ve learned over as many years in my own life. I’ve learned these lessons from teachers, mentors, and from butting my own hard head up against many of life’s challenges.
Maybe you can find something in here that will be helpful for you. Maybe you can make your own list of things you’ve learned, too. If you do, you’ll find it is a great exercise from which you can learn a lot.
Making Decisions
1. There are no “maybes.” When making a decision, if the answer isn’t a “yes,” then it’s “no” – or at least a “not right now.” A maybe is a no that you are afraid of saying out loud. Living your life with clarity about yesses and nos will prevent an enormous amount of wasted time. And time is the one resource you cannot replace.
2. While “yes” is one of life’s most useful responses, a “no” is the second best – it lets you move on, refocus and stop waiting for something to happen.
3. Always look for the “yesses” to give you direction. Yesses will pull you forward where focusing on “no’s” will stop you in your tracks. Sometimes yesses are loud; other times they whisper. They will always be clear, though, and sometimes a “yes” will scare you.
4. Trust your judgement. No one knows you as well as you do and, well, it’s your life. If being around a particular person diminishes your trust in yourself, don’t spend time around that person.
Relationships
5. Surround yourself with people who make you better than you were before you met them.
6. It is easy to make friends when young. As you age, making friends becomes an activity you are wise to actively cultivate.
7. Friendship can come in many forms. Friendships will ebb, and flow and may be based upon shared situations or places in life. Because of that, few friendships last over time, and those that do last, you should cherish.
8. If you want more friends, be a friend to someone.
9. Marry up: choose someone you admire. Both of you should do this. Over time, you and your partner will become more alike.
10. Accept what comes with each stage of your marriage. At times, this will be easy. Other times, it will be very difficult but you must learn to do it anyway.
11. Your desire to be honest does not give you a license to be unkind. Not everything that is true needs to be said.
12. It is easier to see a fault in others, before we see faults in ourselves. When you see a fault in someone, it’s best to look at yourself, first, to see if something needs to change there.
13. Forgive everyone of everything. Doing this turns out to be one of the biggest gifts you will ever give to yourself.
14. A committed relationship is never a 50 – 50 proposition. Sometimes is 10 – 90. Other times 70 – 30. Or any other combination you can imagine. Go with it.
15. There is an enormous difference between an arrangement and a relationship. An arrangement is rigid, fragile and destined to break down when the underlying conditions change. A relationship is evolving, elastic, resilient and can last as long as you do. There is nothing wrong with arrangements, but seek relationships in partners.
16. Slow down a little. Don’t rush. Let things unfold. Each relationship is a flower that opens in its time, to the degree that it will. Let it bloom.
17. If you are impulsive, you may sometimes feel driven to move forward quickly. If so, take that as a strong warning to step back just a bit. There is often a rush of emotion, excitement and a desire to move quickly, at beginnings. Given the chance, passion evens out and better judgement can prevail — with better outcomes for you — if you give it a little time.
18. If you are cautious, push yourself a little to take more risks when you find an opportunity. You have the opposite tendency of an impulsive person and may miss wonderful relationships.
19. Seek opposites: Cautious and impulsive people do well in friendships because they help each other to achieve balance. Introverted and Extraverted people often make good pairs for similar reasons. What balances you?
Navigating life
20. When faced with a difficult situation, look for the high road and take it. Don’t expect that path to be easy. When you take the high road, though, it will fill you with great peace.
21. The opposite of love is not hate; it is fear.
22. It’s never about what it seems to be about. When you encounter anger, look for the fear underneath it. When you encounter fear, find what needs love. Then love it.
23. Whatever you experience, whether joy, sadness, or even boredom, remember that this, too, shall pass. As will I. And you. Live your life accordingly.
24. After a setback, allow yourself only about a day to feel sorry for yourself before re-focusing on where you want to go next.
25. You can have it all. You just can’t have everything all at the same time.
26. Accept what you have in the time it is given to you. Reflect with gratitude on what you had in the past and work hard and hopefully for what you want for your future.
27. You don’t have to hang onto things and people that hurt you. Give yourself permission to let them go.
28. You can’t truly run away; you carry inside that which you would flee. If you run, you will simply end up recreating your problems somewhere else. The only way out is by working them through, right where you are.
29. Each age of life has its joys and sorrows. Accept and release the sorrow but focus on and cherish the joy. (Many unhappy people get this backward and wonder why they are unhappy.)
Parenting
30. Before you have them, no one can possibly convey to you how much you will love your children.
31. I was most confident in my knowledge about parenting before my children were born.
32. Punishing children with physical violence is unnecessary, counterproductive, and teaches everyone concerned all the wrong lessons.
33. You are your child’s first model of an adult. While your employer can and will replace you quickly when needed, your children have only you. Set your priorities accordingly.
34. While earning a living is important; spending time with your family is vital. You, your partner, and your children are young only once. And you don’t want to miss that.
Your life’s direction
35. Pay attention to what is easy and natural for you - these are areas where you will excel. Explore those.
36. Your greatest strength will become a critical weakness if you use it inappropriately.
37. You become what you think about most of the time.
38. Taking the same action over and over again will not yield a different result.
39. If something isn’t working, look to change something.
40. Opportunity knocks with the force of a damp sponge. If you are not listening, you’ll miss it. When you hear opportunity knock, answer quickly. Expect to be surprised.
41. You are not great when you succeed, nor are you a failure when you do not succeed.
42. When working, focus on your work. This seems obvious but isn’t widely practiced.
43. Do something. Keep going. In trying, you make mistakes, which gives experience, developing judgment and, eventually, wisdom. Do your best not to repeat mistakes.
44. You’ll never know all the steps that you will need to take. Instead, decide where – even just a general direction - you want to go. With direction, the next step you need to take will soon become clear to you. Sometimes all you need is just that next step.
45. It’s OK to change your mind, to take a new direction. Just make sure you’re changing for the right reasons. Some people change their mind because a particular path becomes difficult or because they are afraid. Those are often not the right reasons to change.
46. Being powerfully pulled toward something is a very good reason to change direction.
47. While it is nice when others believe in and appreciate you, it is vital that you believe in and appreciate yourself. With self-confidence, many things are possible.
48. You may have to convince yourself that you are confident. This will make your victory even sweeter. Be your own best cheerleader.
49. Great, game-changing ideas sound crazy to almost everyone at first. If you think about it, this makes perfect sense. It is also why you will need to work hard to bring everyone along with your great ideas.
50. Learning to adapt to change and to manage transitions are two of the most useful life skills you can cultivate. Combining those with persistence makes you nearly unstoppable.
51. The source of your power changes as you grow older. When young, our energy and physical strength are boundless. As we age and our bodies fade, it is our patience, perseverance, our discretion and judgment that makes us strong. Gracefully let go of that which is no longer a strength.
Being human
52. You are not your job, your title, your role, your income level, nor any other label you may apply.
53. Then, what are you? Seek the answer to this question.
54. If you find yourself saying something or taking a course of action because of a feeling of pride or ego, take a little time to let that feeling pass before continuing.
55. Thinking, feeling, and doing are all separate things. Don’t confuse them.
56. Even your smallest actions ripple through time and come back to you in ways you cannot predict. This is one reason you should be kind and helpful as often as possible.
57. The only person you can really control is you. Since it takes a lifetime to learn to control yourself, start now.
58. Listen carefully to what your body tells you. Take action when you hear it ask for a change. Don’t wait for your body to scream at you or break down.
59. Nothing that happens to you is really ever good or bad. You get to interpret and decide what everything in your life means to you. The fact that you are responsible for the meaning of everything that happens to you is both liberating and a bit terrifying.
60. Each age of your life is different and fleeting. Embrace each moment – even, perhaps especially, those that are painful, strange, and embarrassing. These are your days and this is your one and only human journey.
61. Take a long-term view. That will keep you humble in victory and will pull you back up after a setback.
62. You can’t truly throw anything away; everything goes somewhere. If you really think about this, it will change many things that you do.
63. Your world is a great mirror of what is inside you. If you don’t like what you see in the world around you, instead of trying to change something in your world, look inward for something that needs to change and then change that. Everything around you will then change.
64. This is not a rehearsal – this is it – your one shot. Your life is so brief. Savor it all: Love and laugh; cry and mourn; bask in the sun, soak in the rain. Lose yourself in your life.
65. When you are young, you are rich in days. When old, days and even moments can have incredible meaning. Live today so that its memory will be sweet.